Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

[zyzyphus]

Saw this for 4 bucks. I don't know why, but I don't hate this franchise as much as most everyone else I know, except the 2nd one. I hate that one but I don't know why I give the other movies a pass. I can't and won't defend them, because they aren't good. I mean, aside from the fact that I'd prefer more boxy designs closer to the cartoons, I'm actually kind of a sucker for the effects in these movies. It feels different than the other 9/11 porn to me. The climax felt like the climax to Avatar, another bad movie I give a pass because of the effects. Yes I'm part of the problem.


That being said, Bumblebee is the most bullshit-ass mother fucking bullshit character because of his mascot status. In the beginning scene, he gets decapitated and torn limb from limb. Oh no! Bumblebee is dead! Oh wait no, he's just pulling himself back together magnetically and kicks everyone's ass. That's a neat trick transfomees can do! But how come no other transformer does this? Seems like a useful perk of being a robot and something any one of them could benefit from. Jazz is killed in the first movie and he was only cut in half from the waist, that seems way less traumatic than what happened to bumblebee, and I'm sure others were killed in less horrific ways. In this movie a deception gets one leg cut off and decapitated and dies instantly.

Also, they retconned him being on earth way before the first movie fighting Nazis. I guess this is preparing for his spinoff movie.

Plus the subplot of him trying to get his voice back? I remember hem getting it back at the end of the first then immediately forgetting about it for the second and not caring for 2 more movies. All this so they could have a "Martha" moment where Prime is about to kill him, but then he says something like "it's me, bumblebee! I would die for you"[/gay] so Prime immediately snaps out of being evil.

They didn't skimp out on the transformations like the last one though. My only complaint about it is that some of the robots had cool ideas for their vehicles and we didn't get to see transform. Like before he bacame a sports car, Hotrod was this classy classic British car. But they didn't show him transform until he was a sport car. The main one I wanted to see more of was one of the deceptions that was a rusted out VW bus. We did see bumblebee as a 1940s hitler-mobile looking car, so that was kinda neat.

Mark Whalberg is far less annoying and way more tolerable than Shia. There's a tiny hint of The Happening(2008) in his performance, I think. I thought it was ok, but don't go see it.

4.023/10

[Wilhelm]

partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem
partoftheproblem

[zyzyphus]

#noshame

[equint77]

Saw this for 4 bucks. I don't know why, but I don't hate this franchise as much as most everyone else I know, except the 2nd one. I hate that one but I don't know why I give the other movies a pass. I can't and won't defend them, because they aren't good. I mean, aside from the fact that I'd prefer more boxy designs closer to the cartoons, I'm actually kind of a sucker for the effects in these movies. It feels different than the other 9/11 porn to me. The climax felt like the climax to Avatar, another bad movie I give a pass because of the effects. Yes I'm part of the problem.


That being said, Bumblebee is the most bullshit-ass mother fucking bullshit character because of his mascot status. In the beginning scene, he gets decapitated and torn limb from limb. Oh no! Bumblebee is dead! Oh wait no, he's just pulling himself back together magnetically and kicks everyone's ass. That's a neat trick transfomees can do! But how come no other transformer does this? Seems like a useful perk of being a robot and something any one of them could benefit from. Jazz is killed in the first movie and he was only cut in half from the waist, that seems way less traumatic than what happened to bumblebee, and I'm sure others were killed in less horrific ways. In this movie a deception gets one leg cut off and decapitated and dies instantly.

Also, they retconned him being on earth way before the first movie fighting Nazis. I guess this is preparing for his spinoff movie.

Plus the subplot of him trying to get his voice back? I remember hem getting it back at the end of the first then immediately forgetting about it for the second and not caring for 2 more movies. All this so they could have a "Martha" moment where Prime is about to kill him, but then he says something like "it's me, bumblebee! I would die for you"[/gay] so Prime immediately snaps out of being evil.

They didn't skimp out on the transformations like the last one though. My only complaint about it is that some of the robots had cool ideas for their vehicles and we didn't get to see transform. Like before he bacame a sports car, Hotrod was this classy classic British car. But they didn't show him transform until he was a sport car. The main one I wanted to see more of was one of the deceptions that was a rusted out VW bus. We did see bumblebee as a 1940s hitler-mobile looking car, so that was kinda neat.

Mark Whalberg is far less annoying and way more tolerable than Shia. There's a tiny hint of The Happening(2008) in his performance, I think. I thought it was ok, but don't go see it.

4.023/10

This is one of the best and funniest posts ive read in a long time

[zyzyphus]

Transformees

hem

I should proofread more.

[equint77]

Its perfect the way it is.

[Wilhelm]

Transformies is a cute name though.

[equint77]

in all of bays 9/11 porn fetish and underage sex jokes he dropped the ball on not introducing this gimp, chip chase to the franchise. Itd have been great seeing him wheelchair away from the unnecessary planetary destruction.

[equint77]

I watched this last night and it was mindnumbingly bland with little to zero redeeming qualities. The only likable character was the blue robot, squeeks or skeeter.

the name cade yager got worse and worse as the movie moved on.
that little girl had no function and should have died when the plane crashed as they tried to fight cybertron. She had no seat belt!
the british girl was eye candy here and there but was a by the numbers girlfriend. Reading frans post made it make sense why she looked familiar. Without the blonde hair or cancer.
i cant and wont process what they did to hot rod. a damn shame, a real damn shame.
We live on unicron but we never see unicron aside from some stupid horns, another waste.
i think anthony hopkins was drugged or hes approaching senility cause he sleptwalked through this movie. His death was lazy.


in short, i came away with nothing enjoyable about this movie at all. With some movies i can hope to say, well at least it had some fun action, the characters were interesting, there were funny moments. None, i may as just as well stared at a wall.

Also enough with these stupid, god awful, wooden optimus prime speeches. How many times does he need to address himself in the 3rd person?

“This is optimus prime and im here to say the humans are ay-okay, our home is now earth and we’ll protect it (while 20% of the planet is in flames). “Calling all autobots, we are here, and we’ll see you next year”.